i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
