I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
