I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
