she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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