I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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