How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
