Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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