well you can't waste a boner
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
