The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize