I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize