i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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