You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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