I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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