"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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