I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
