rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
