do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
