It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
