he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
