dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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