My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize