____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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