At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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