i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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