Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
