How'd it feel making her break her religion?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
