I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
