Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize