Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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