Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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