when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
