Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
