yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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