Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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