She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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