I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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