I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
