We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
