So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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