just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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