So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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