whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
