i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
