What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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