the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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