As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
