i don't plan on having that self control this summer
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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