sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The air taste purple.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
