I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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