If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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