She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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