Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
