Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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