Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
