Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
