i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
