you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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