i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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