I look better un-naked...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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