There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
