I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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