We're facebook friends in real life
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dick very happy bro
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
