am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
