If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
