just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
