so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
