Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
