...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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