i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize