i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
