he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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