I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
