Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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