i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
