I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
