Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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