the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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