Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
