I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize