Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
