Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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